Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My uncle says I'm re-arranging the world and making people fit into my manufactured inner world.  I think I'm developing a vocabulary to deal with my problems in more basic ways than simply abstaining from something.  I think I have a drive to understand how things work, how I work, and until I discovered my dopamine imbalance was part of the equation, I just couldn't deal with it, any of it.  Again, probably higher on Mazlow's list of needs than food and shelter, humans need perspective.

And, again, I believe I have been denied perspective for a very long time.  We live in fucking America, and to think the television producers do not have an understanding of the fact that many are captive to their television sets for dopamine and to feel normal, don't understand that they are abusing that relationship by crossing the line and allowing their viewers to have their political beliefs monkeyed with by the rich and powerful, defenseless people suffering the effects of a bad childhood.  And, we are not protecting them, you are not protecting people like me.

I watch a television show called, "Naruto," its' a cartoon from Japan based on a Manga comic series.  Its' been great practice for generating a dopaminergic state, through its' simple use of human narratives (family, friends, competition) as the story builds shared meaning, and as we are able to hold more of those meanings at once, when we do find a way to focus on the dopamine it spreads out real nicely and we're able to feel some love.


I didn't have any cohesive framework for understanding all the moving parts - it was just too wild, too far flung.  There was the pornographic tastes, difficulties that were not apparent, somehow I hid from myself the fact I had an aversion to reading most books (but I read all day on-line...just things about my work, topics I am obsessed with).

How does one speak to a family member about having, and trying to deal with, an aversion?  ...Without sounding like a whiny child?

I guess that's part of my argument, is that in some ways we can be like whiny children, stuck in childish responses, more like dumb animals humping someones' leg, not to pro-create or have sex, but just to get to this experience of love we couldn't learn as children, and found other ways to get to as we grew up, like anger and hatred, and tears, which bring a tangential brush of dopamine, but not as good as it's supposed to be.

Different people will form different pathways, and so perhaps they are all natural responses, human responses, though highly inappropriate for their effect on others.  We can tell by looking at the array of co-morbiddity issues that people are drawn to certain ones for certain reasons, just the same as someone driven to self-medicate is drawn to the drugs that work for them.


Pornography and fantasy, it turns out, help someone focus their attention...makes sense if you understand they're suffering from a brain condition that's marked by a much lower level of dopamine activity.  I don't even believe now that it's sex they're after at all, but instead is a human drive for dopamine exhibiting itself, which has up until now been wholly mis-represented on television, as they seek to modify behaviors in society, while at the same time denying true understanding of just how we are not wholly responsible for our actions sometimes... because we are human, and human children have this specific need to learn how to bond emotionally, to learn how to use their dopamine and use it responsibly.  We are not giving parents the right tools.  We are thinking they are stupid, when they are not, they have just programmed themselves to deal with their Human Reward System in some wrong ways and need help.  Our response as a culture should be inclusive, and stop seeking to exclude them for failures.  We are learning.

That is why you see so many people switching from cigarettes to the patch and gum, they are trying to get it right.  They need the correct perspective, however, or it will fail.  Too many people are being told to "patch it up," without being told all the facts.

Like the fact that we don't get addicted to the nicotine, but it's the MAOI's in other alkaloids, the "Ahhhh" part of smoking, that we're really hooked to.  Not to say we don't also use nicotine to change our brain chemistry, but that's what smoking is, us changing our brain chemistry for a while.  Just like sugar, but we often don't notice it...until you drop it completely, then you notice it a lot.

There will always be people addicted to tobacco, so it should be the safest, least harmful product, right?  Swedish Snus doesn't cause cancer, and has the same effect as smoking a cigarette.  The Swedish government got it's people to switch, and they now have the lowest rates of lung and pancreastic cancer in the EU...why can't our government do the same?  Because everbody's talking points are about eliminating tobacco instead of admitting it can be made safer.  They're just too weary of what Big Tobacco did to society.  We can't tell the truth about this anymore, and it leaves a bunch of people out in the cold, unable to think of anything except nicotine replacement therapy, when instead they need to learn about how they've been coping with something, and that something needs to be looked at.

Criminalizing health concerns leads America to bankruptcy though, spiritually and economically.  You don't get to create a situation where people get sick and then inprison them for the foreseeable consequences of that illness you caused (through failed social policies, like getting rid of Welfare and the violence it's created between children who's parents cannot be there in the morning or evening or are too stressed to bond with emotionally).

Just because the context for understanding and seeing the connections between things isn't taught on television, doesn't mean they don't exist.  Am I just crazy, stuffing square pegs into round holes, am I just polishing an argument like a Modern PR man?  Or, am I getting closer to expressing things better?

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